Maybe You Don’t Need to Calm Down. Maybe You Need to Feel Safe.
Foundation One: Nervous System Regulation
Welcome In!
Have you ever known, logically, that everything was fine… while your body seemed to have absolutely no interest in that information?
Your shoulders are up around your ears. Your jaw is clenched.
Someone asks you one more question and you want to scream.
You finally sit down at the end of the day and instead of relaxing, you scroll your phone for 45 minutes because apparently your body has forgotten how to just… stop.
This is something I talk about a lot in my work because understanding the nervous system can change the way we look at ourselves.
Not because learning about your nervous system magically fixes everything.
It doesn’t.
But sometimes understanding why your body is responding the way it is removes a little bit of the shame we pile on top of an already difficult day.
Your Body Is Constantly Gathering Information
Your nervous system is paying attention all day long.
What needs to be done?
Who needs something from me?
Is there enough time?
Did I forget something?
Is someone upset?
What’s happening next?
For someone carrying a lot of responsibility, there may be very few moments when the body receives a clear message that says: Nothing is required from you right now… and that matters. because regulation isn’t simply about becoming calm… It’s about having enough flexibility in your nervous system to move through stress and eventually come back down again.
Stress itself isn’t the enemy. The problem is when your body starts spending most of its time preparing for the next thing.
A Question I Want You to Think About
Instead of asking: “Why can’t I just relax?”
Try asking: “What makes it hard for my body to actually believe it can relax?”
Those are two very different questions.
Maybe every time you sit down, someone needs you. Maybe your brain is still keeping track of fourteen unfinished tasks. Maybe rest has always felt uncomfortable. Maybe you’ve been operating at this pace for so long that slowing down actually feels strange.
There doesn’t have to be one giant explanation. Sometimes we start by simply noticing.
Try This This Week
Pay attention to the moments when your body starts telling you: This is getting to be too much.
Maybe you notice:
your chest tightening
irritability
rushing
shallow breathing
zoning out
headaches
scrolling
wanting everyone to stop talking to you
feeling like something terrible will happen if you don’t keep moving
You don’t have to immediately fix the feeling. Just notice it. Because noticing is often where regulation begins.
Takeaway Questions
What does stress feel like in your body?
What tends to happen right before you become overwhelmed?
When during your day do you feel most settled?
When do you feel like you’re constantly bracing for the next thing?
And maybe the biggest one: What helps your body feel like nothing is being demanded from you?
One for the Road
Regulation isn’t another thing you need to become good at.
It isn’t a perfect morning routine, breathing correctly or making yourself stay calm when life is objectively chaotic. Sometimes it starts much smaller likeeee … Understanding your patterns, noticing your signals, and getting curious about what your body has been trying to communicate.
You don’t need to figure all of that out alone.
The Receipt
Your body isn’t only reacting to what is happening. It is also reacting to how much it has been carrying.
If this brought something up for you, this is exactly the kind of work we can explore together.
I offer virtual psychotherapy for clients across Ontario, as well as coaching worldwide for those looking for education, reflection and practical burnout support outside of psychotherapy.
See you next Friday,
Jenna