When “I’m Fine” Actually Means “I’m Functioning”
Foundation Two: Burnout & Survival Mode
Welcome In!
There is a version of burnout that is pretty easy to recognize…
You can’t get out of bed.
You’re completely exhausted.
You stop functioning.
Everything falls apart.
… But there’s another version I see all the time.
You’re still making lunches.
Going to work.
Answering emails.
Booking appointments.
Picking up groceries.
Remembering spirit day.
Replying “sounds good!” in the family group chat.
You are technically functioning, and you are also wondering how long you can possibly keep doing this. That version of burnout can be much harder to recognize.
Because from the outside? You look fine.
Survival Mode Can Be Surprisingly Productive
I think sometimes we imagine survival mode as doing absolutely nothing, but for a lot of women, survival mode actually looks like doing everything necessary and almost nothing restorative.
You get through the day, then you get through another one… You become incredibly efficient at responding to whatever is directly in front of you.
What disappears are often the things that make you feel like yourself. (Fun. Creativity. Connection. Movement. Sex. Rest. Hobbies)
Doing something simply because you want to, and eventually you may not even know what you want anymore.
You just know you’re tired.
“But Nothing Can Come Off My Plate”
This is where conversations about burnout can get frustrating… because sometimes someone tells you to “reduce your stress.”
Likeeee, alright cool. Would you like to come pick up the kids?
That’s why I don’t think burnout support should begin with pretending your responsibilities don’t exist.
Sometimes the reality is .. you have children who need you. You need the income. The laundry actually does need to be done. Your schedule genuinely is full.
We can't always immediately change the circumstances, but we can start looking at how you are existing inside those circumstances.
What are you automatically responsible for?
Where have you become the default person?
What expectations are you carrying?
What happens when something doesn’t get done?
What are you telling yourself you should be able to handle?
That’s where things often become interesting.
A Little Burnout Check-In
Without overthinking it, ask yourself.. Lately, have I been…
Going through the motions?
More irritated than usual?
Feeling touched-out or talked-out?
Avoiding people because I don’t have the capacity?
Wanting everyone to stop needing things from me?
Feeling guilty whenever I rest?
Doing things I normally enjoy but not really enjoying them?
Thinking, “I just need to get through this week” every single week?
None of these automatically mean you’re burned out, but they sure are worth paying attention to.
Takeaway Questions
What part of your life currently requires the most energy from you?
What are you doing because it genuinely needs to be done?
What are you doing because you've always been the person who does it?
What has disappeared from your life as things became busier?
When was the last time you felt like you had actual capacity left at the end of the day?
And: If nothing dramatically changed tomorrow, what would need to change about the way you are carrying your life?
You don't need to have an answer immediately. Sit with it, be uncomfortable with it.
One for the Road
Burnout work isn't always about creating a completely different life. Sometimes it’s about finally looking honestly at the life you have.
What is sustainable?
What isn’t?
What are you carrying?
What have you normalized simply because you've managed to survive it?
I don't have a magic formula that makes responsibilities disappear, but I can help you look at the pattern, understand what’s happening and start figuring out what might actually make life feel more manageable.
The Receipt
Functioning and feeling okay are not the same thing.
If you’ve been functioning beautifully while quietly thinking, I cannot keep doing this, you are allowed to pay attention to that before everything falls apart.
I offer virtual psychotherapy across Ontario, and coaching worldwide for those looking for support outside of psychotherapy.
See you next Friday,
Jenna